7 Characteristics Of Low Self-Esteem And How To Overcome Them

Constant Self-Criticism

One of the most common indicators of low self-esteem is a harsh, unrelenting inner critic. This voice tends to exaggerate mistakes and dismiss accomplishments. People experiencing this may replay social interactions, focusing on imagined flaws or awkwardness.

Praise from others feels uncomfortable or undeserved. Instead of internalizing kind words, they’re more likely to shrug them off or assume people are “just being nice.”

This constant mental self-scolding doesn’t just wear down confidence. It can also reinforce anxiety and depression. Over time, the person may avoid new challenges altogether, anticipating failure before they’ve even started.

Overcoming this pattern begins with awareness. When someone starts noticing their self-talk and comparing it to how they would speak to a loved one, the contrast often sparks meaningful insight.

Therapists trained in self-esteem therapy often use techniques like thought records or cognitive restructuring to help individuals name, evaluate, and replace these negative patterns. While that work is emotional, it lays a foundation for a more supportive inner dialogue.

Difficulty Accepting Compliments

Another deeply ingrained sign is the inability to accept kind words without discomfort. Compliments can feel confusing or even threatening. Someone with low self-esteem might immediately reject them by saying, “It’s not that big a deal,” or by finding flaws in their own performance to justify the discomfort.

This response typically isn’t rooted in humility. It comes from the belief that the compliment doesn’t match their internal identity. The gap between how others perceive them and how they see themselves creates emotional friction.

In social settings, this can limit authentic connection. Friends may feel frustrated or distant over time, unsure how to affirm someone who refuses to accept positivity.

Therapeutically, the goal isn’t to force acceptance of compliments but to explore why they feel uncomfortable. Is there a fear of being seen as arrogant? A belief that love or praise must be earned through suffering?

These questions, explored in a safe space, can gently loosen the hold of these long-standing beliefs.

Social Withdrawal and Isolation

People don’t always isolate themselves because they dislike others. Sometimes they retreat because they fear judgment or rejection.

One of the more visible signs of low self-esteem is avoidance of gatherings, new relationships, or opportunities that require visibility. Social withdrawal becomes a protective shield. After all, if you don’t show up, no one can criticize you.

Unfortunately, this protective mechanism also fuels loneliness and disconnection, which further reinforces the belief that one is unworthy or unlovable. The cycle becomes self-perpetuating.

Therapy works to interrupt this feedback loop. Practicing gentle exposure to social environments, supported by reflective sessions, helps clients reconnect to their values and discover a new narrative: that showing up imperfectly is still brave and worthy.

Group-based mental health and awareness services can be especially helpful here. Seeing others wrestle with similar feelings helps to normalize the experience and create a connection that counters the isolation.

Perfectionism

While perfectionism is often admired in professional or academic settings, it can be a deceptive mask for low self-worth. The belief here is that one must earn their place, and the currency is a flawless performance. Nothing ever feels “good enough.” This internal pressure can be exhausting.

Behind perfectionism is usually the fear that being ordinary is the same as being unworthy. The standards set are often impossible, and when they aren’t met, the fallout is harsh self-judgment, shame, and often, emotional paralysis. This type of performance-based self-worth leaves no room for failure, play, or rest.

Therapists frequently help clients reconnect with the idea of good enough, a powerful and liberating concept. When perfectionism begins to relax its grip, clients often rediscover creativity, joy, and intrinsic motivation that is buried under fear.

Physical Symptoms and Health Impacts

Low self-esteem doesn’t just live in the mind. It can express itself through the body. Common physical signs of low self-esteem include poor posture, reduced eye contact, shallow breathing, or chronic tension in the neck and shoulders. Some may experience stress-related issues like headaches, stomachaches, or sleep disturbances.

The mind-body connection is powerful. When someone feels unsafe or unworthy, the nervous system stays on alert. Over time, this can contribute to burnout, immune issues, or even heart strain. What starts as a mental state becomes a physical burden.

Body-based therapies such as mindfulness, somatic experiencing, or breathing exercises can help reconnect individuals with the sensations in their bodies and create a sense of safety.

Physical movement, especially gentle and mindful forms like yoga or stretching, can rebuild trust in one’s own body and help release stored tension.

These modalities, combined with self-esteem therapy, work together to support healing across both your mental and physical aspects.

Constant Comparison to Others

Social media has made it easier than ever to compare ourselves to others. But for those with low self-esteem, comparison becomes a daily ritual of measuring inadequacy. Someone else’s success, beauty, or happiness feels like evidence of one’s own failure.

This habit is corrosive. It strips away joy, erodes gratitude, and creates distance from reality. Most people only share their highlights online. But those with low self-esteem forget this, treating every curated post as an objective goal they’ve failed to reach.

Therapy helps interrupt this cycle by shifting focus inward. What do you value? What makes you feel alive? What experiences actually matter to you, separate from societal ideals? Building a sense of personal worth often means stepping away from constant evaluation and into curiosity about the self.

Creating tech boundaries, practicing media literacy, or journaling about strengths are all helpful starting points for reclaiming one’s own narrative from the grip of comparison.

People-Pleasing and Lack of Boundaries

People with low self-esteem often say “yes” when they want to say “no.” They may overextend themselves to gain approval, avoid conflict, or feel useful. Underneath this behavior is the belief that their worth is tied to others’ happiness or acceptance.

Over time, this leads to burnout, resentment, and sometimes, emotional exploitation. The individual may struggle to identify their own needs or even feel guilty for having them. This suppression of self eventually takes a toll on identity.

Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about protecting what matters most. Therapy focuses on helping individuals explore where their needs have been silenced and how they can begin speaking up again.

Small steps like declining a non-urgent favor or asking for space are victories in this work. By learning to honor their limits and desires, clients begin to form a more secure self-concept. One that is rooted not in sacrifice, but in self-respect.

Rebuilding Confidence Through The Howard Center for Wellness

The Howard Center for Wellness works with individuals every day who recognize the characteristics of low self-esteem in their own thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. We know that low self-worth doesn’t develop overnight. It doesn't go away instantly either. But with patient, personalized care, it absolutely can shift.

We offer self-esteem therapy for people of all ages: adolescents navigating school pressures, adults dealing with relationship or career stress, and even older individuals who are only now uncovering lifelong patterns of self-doubt.

Our therapeutic team listens without judgment and works collaboratively to create strategies that feel honest, gentle, and effective.

Located in Iselin, NJ, our center combines professional care with human warmth. You’ll never feel rushed or reduced to a label. Instead, we work to identify your entire story, your strengths, and your goals. We offer both in-person and virtual sessions, and we accept a wide range of insurance to help remove barriers to healing.

We also support individuals who are experiencing other symptoms linked to low self-esteem, such as anxiety or depression. Sometimes these feelings are intertwined, and we’re skilled at helping you sort through the layers, one conversation at a time.

Our goal is to help you build a relationship with yourself that is kind, confident, and grounded; not based on perfection, but on truth. No matter where you are in your journey, we’re here to help you grow into the person you were always meant to be.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you, every step of the way.